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| Little Feet; Footprints to Follow... |
I've been reading this recommended book and have found that the author expresses a great many ideas in common with my own.
I would be curious to know what you think of the passage below? Leave a comment; this is a good forum for sharing our thoughts...
Excerpt from What Mothers Do (Author is Naomi Stadlen):
Taking trouble over a baby is definitely tiring and sleep-depriving. But mothers could probably cope better if we all acknowledged how complex and difficult it can be. If a mother says she is short of sleep, this could be a sign not of her failure but of how well she may mothering. I believe that the real, dreadful quality of maternal tiredness is the mother’s sense of struggling against prevailing disrespect. The baby may tire her, but we, if we aren’t careful, can exhaust her.
Excerpt 2:
Excerpt 2:
The odd thing is that mothers often
don’t realize that this is true of many mothers. For example, when a mother
takes her baby out to the park or shopping, this can change the mood of them
both. Once they are out, the baby seems interested, and the mother feels proud
of her achievement in getting them both through the front door. She then feels
less tired. This means that when other mothers look at her, they see a
calm-looking mother with a happy baby. In the same way, when she is looking at
them, she is almost sure to mistake their temporary calm for their permanent
state. It won’t occur to her that she is giving the impression of being a calm
mother herself. Instead, she may well return home feeling discouraged because
she seems to be the only mother who is finding it so tiring.
14 comments:
Hi Janet and all,
I actually was able to obtain a copy of the book for my daughter-in-law and gave it to Jennie before I had a chance to read it myself.
The passage resonates with me as well...even at this older end of mothering arc. (As parents of teenagers and later of college students, Motherly exhaustion is exacerbated by the late times that young people go out and even later times they return home. I found myself sleepless and restless endlessly.)
Janet, you said something in Bible Study today that this passage brings full circle (and also with things we have said in recent weeks) when you mentioned being specific in your thanks .. as in to the Altar Guild for their service. Martha in today's Bible passage (Luke 10:38-42) asks Jesus to get Mary to help her...and we talked this morning about ways that we are seen or not seen in our busyness and worrying. I think that so much of what Mothers do on a regular basis goes unseen and since it is so often done in separate places unrecognized it can be particularly isolating...especially when there is a perception of expectations that we Mothers try to meet and mistakenly believe we fall short of...
CH
Hi Janet!
Thanks for this... so sorry about the delay. We have been traveling. College trips. :) I like this quote and it reminds me why it is so important to have interactions with girlfriends who are supportive and sympathetic to your experiences. In the sympathy, I have always found energy and been renewed. It is also a good reason so be in a supportive community (like St. Patrick's!) to ease one's burden.
ET
Your are my proof that there is light at the end of the proverbial tunnel :)!
Encouragement all around!
I think this is particularly true for moms who don't have a helpful partner. I'm definitely tired, but [sig. other] helps me in so many ways... I would be much more exhausted if he wasn't as supportive or if I didn't have a partner at all, and I really feel for the mothers who do not have the luxury of a strong relationship with a partner to share the ups and downs.
TH
Also, ET, happy birthday! jmkl
Thanks, TH:
I hope your ankle is/will be better BTW... jmkl
Fair Reader: If this is your first visit by jkDesignSpot, you can also click on the arrows and dates in the right hand column in "Browse Good Stuff" to view older posts of mine. Be sure to leave an enlightening comment if you are so moved!
The Modern Suburbanite
(That's me... jmkl)
Before I had a baby of my own and learned how tiring motherhood (especially new motherhood) can be, I know I added to the burden and exhaustion of mothers. I remember visiting new parents, stopping by to see the baby, and staying (what I realize now) was way too long. I also look back with regret about my relationships with a few friends who had children long before I did. I was not a very good friend to them. Don't think I ever dropped a meal or offered to help with housework or had any appreciation for how hard they were working.
Thanks for sharing...and for the book recommendation.
I have added a second excerpt that speaks a bit as to how a visit or a "field trip" in the early days may be perceived. I find passages like these to be the empowering aspect of this author's work; the first hand descriptions and summations really lesson the isolation and promote healing, even a decade out for me...
Baby boy in Britain today! Wonder if they need this book?!
(Re-posted by Moderator: moi!):
Thanks, Janet! Those excerpts do ring true. The part of those early kid years that I found so surprising and unprepared for was how creative you have to be nearly every minute of the day just to keep them occupied, learning and entertained. I'll have to check out the book...
AL
Thanks for sharing...
You touch on what the author describes as some of the work of mothers that is largely unseen and under-appreciated. Luckily, your artistic and nurturing creativity is afforded to you in spades :)! Lucky kid!
Therein lies the great reward of nurturing-- the close bond of caretaker to child through the countless, meaningful moments of the "routine".
The Mod Sub
(Re-posted by the moderator-- jmkl):
Always great to hear from you. How have you been? Love "Passage 2" about the calm cool of other mothers. Always easy to admire others while feeling tired our discouraged ourselves. Another mom commented to me the other day that I always look so put-together, and I was so shocked I didn't know what to say! I always feel the least graceful. Nice post!
KD
Thanks for your thoughts! This book has helped me bridge the gap when words failed me too.... Hope you are well.
The Mod Sub
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